Overload- Kindness

Dear You ♊,

Guess What, I finally found somebody I could fall in love after 9 years. Though I was being mentioned we are impossible and this will come to an end anytime sooner. I should say that I am glad that we cross path, I never deny it. Wholly.

Today is our 4th argument, Maybe you are right when you said you couldn't be yourself when you were with me but now you are. I just need time to proceed, this whole skeptical misundertanding. and I should explain how I normally refuse to confront or ask for problem-solving, frankly told I demand for it this time because I can't if that day has to come I can't ever say farewell.

xx, 

Just a dream

How Ironic, I remember what I have ever wished for and even to this day 2 days ago I realized it was granted and for once I never wanted anything so bad in my love life experience but well after what happen that night I was being told to forget it ever happens and just assume it as a beautiful dream that ever come across us. Guess it's a beautiful coincidence, ♊

is it ok cause I change

it has been a while blog !
Should I summary briefly about my physic and mentally lonesome, messy mind, patience break down, ignored & unheard voices, uncontrollable focus and wholly undeniable feelings.
Have I made the wrong decisions?
I know I am not
but here where I call home seem so acquittance to my awareness
I am talking about environment, people, neighbor, room-mate, everything.
I feel empty
Or should I say numb
I have stopped drinking, which means I stop to escape.
I still feel butterflies
Being Hiatus.... seems to be my personality at the moment
that is what everyone says
I don't sleep so well recently.
I still have that dream I must achieve and I promise I won't stop
But
I just think I need to which I am not so sure
Right now writing this
I am holding heavy teary throat and heart ache
Should anybody who read this comprehend
Cause frankly even I don't
This what pops up at mind and if you pay attention they are not either really make sense kind of sentence nor logical
you don't know how I feel
Don't say you do
They are complex, so pls stop snobbish
for once
just
read

Rejected

I am falling apart and I regretted what I did.

"Try Again"

Hello peeps !
So today I am gonna deliberately admit that I am on dating app again after awhile. I met this person cause we agreed to meet up and turned out it was a good date. The date was completely blown me away and makes me feel unlike any other date I had.
Maybe I am out of my league cause yes I have been single for quite sometimes with multiple dates with in but yah maybe It's not my time yet to think this person is the one, At one point I thought this is it the end of my single life after 7 years (oops did I just said 7?) Yes !
But then I somehow re-read the text we had. I don't feel that this person is in the same page with me and I feel there are secrets, or whatsoever. This confuses me. Damn, dating with feeling is aint easy after all.
This is one of the dates that will make you wanna press "Ain't the one Please Try again" button
Have a good date peeps !

Oops I did it again?

hey there! Seems like I need to speak the truth about the secret I have been concealing this whole time. Idk if time will get me there but what got me thinking in my mind is people will judge and look at me in an extreme different sight. Heart starts to rebel cause seriously I can't keep on hanging myself like this. It's unacceptable in most human understanding. This is hard, I have to keep going on with this one lie I believe I can't ever reveal .

When cracking anxiety isn't that easy

So I'm back after a so called my longest holiday I have ever had after quite sometimes. It's very thrilling It made me feel like I wanna be giving up everything I have been struggling which is no way. It's just a happy delusions to me. If only I can move people from my hometown to  here things would be different like literally.
I guess if I would be accused to have a mental disorder I would claim myself a high level of anxiety that haunts me often and disappear then appear. It irritates me that I can feel my heart burst like roller coaster. I guess that's it for today

2019 here we come

Hi ! How is everyone been doing? I hope all is well. I got something to share again this time. It's finally the time for me and myself to conclude well at least in my awareness that I have to be back and focus again for my goals. "Love" please be good to me ! but I'd rather put that aside my mind. Guess what I am on my 7 weeks of holiday and I finally can relax a bit and refresh my mind. Have a little bit of ideas and more things to achieve and of course planning. Happy new year everyone !