is it ok cause I change

it has been a while blog !
Should I summary briefly about my physic and mentally lonesome, messy mind, patience break down, ignored & unheard voices, uncontrollable focus and wholly undeniable feelings.
Have I made the wrong decisions?
I know I am not
but here where I call home seem so acquittance to my awareness
I am talking about environment, people, neighbor, room-mate, everything.
I feel empty
Or should I say numb
I have stopped drinking, which means I stop to escape.
I still feel butterflies
Being Hiatus.... seems to be my personality at the moment
that is what everyone says
I don't sleep so well recently.
I still have that dream I must achieve and I promise I won't stop
But
I just think I need to which I am not so sure
Right now writing this
I am holding heavy teary throat and heart ache
Should anybody who read this comprehend
Cause frankly even I don't
This what pops up at mind and if you pay attention they are not either really make sense kind of sentence nor logical
you don't know how I feel
Don't say you do
They are complex, so pls stop snobbish
for once
just
read