and I told you to keep the balance

Couple posts of mine before was probably cheesy enough. Forget you saw them. Look what I've found, some dumbfounded of me. I was lost and desperate these couple of weeks since I've got really long holiday from this college and there is none of the job I love somewhere that I can actually do permanently. I just... wanna live somewhere else at least not here, but at the same time I feel like I should have feel complete adequately grateful already.
What is actually wrong with me